I'd be so unstopable if I wasn't sleepy all the time

Me showing my wife all the memes that made me laugh

When you hit a pothole and your check engine light turns off

Girls with cold hands

When you are an introvert

The argument in my head VS. What I actually end up saying

The 3 year old bag of frozen peas in my freezer watching me grab pizza rolls again

Hello darkness my old friend, why are you here it's 4pm

Me who lied on my resume