When you tell your mom that you're sick...

I want to get in better shape

Me, an intellectual

When you walk into someone's house and they have a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign hanging on their wall

Everytime I see a cactus

When you call shotgun but your friend still runs for it

When you're home alone doing weird thing, and hear a key in the door

When your girlfriend says she doesn't want anything

I wish I could be the load of laundry in my dryer